apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I am morally bankrupt
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
