So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
