Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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