he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
