Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
