your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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