I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that's an acceptable place to lick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
