I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
