butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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