If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
