That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
