you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
