remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
