Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
