is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
