part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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