Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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