I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
