it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
