Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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