I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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