either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
