u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize