who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
