Cold hands, warm shart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
