I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
