its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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