i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
