her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize