final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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