no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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