I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize