i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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