I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
