I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How does one acquire holy water?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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