omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
