My underwear smells like fireworks.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
