I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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