Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
