I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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