I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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