He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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