he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
