ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
