Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
