i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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