how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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