for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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