You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
