Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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