I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
