This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
