Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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