i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
