not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Two words: nipple clamps
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