I accidentally had phone sex last night
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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