3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
birth control should be required to get into college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
