i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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