I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize