Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
