I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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