why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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